Archbishop Letter

Today I wrote the second update letter on my life and practices to Archbishop Kurtz.  Of course he doesn't dress like that all the time.  I feel I need to point that out as not all my readers are Catholic, and could easily assume he walks about the town dressed in the Red all the time.  He does not.

I dreaded writing this letter for a week, yet when it came time to write it, I had it done in about ten minutes.  I learned that the sweating process was the time when I discern/decide what to write.  I'm only six months into a three year process, and am starting to get the hang of what I think he wants me to report: my practice, my solitude, temptations, challenges to all of those, and how I deal with those challenges.  

Speaking of those, my temptations and challenges nearly threatened to overwhelm me, but I kept vivid in my heart Psalm 18,

From on high he reached down and seized me;
he drew me forth from the mighty waters.

In fact, the morning I had decided to write the Archbishop and resign from this vocation, Psalm 18 was in the office, and I realized that I could not resign this life, because God had put me into it.  I was a social animal in the past, yet now I cannot tolerate the usual social event, so I do not go.  Chit-chat has become deadly to me, and the only people I talk to are old friends, priests, monks and nuns.  With that group there is no wild social life.

Another valuable lesson for me is to not expect to find my comfort and joy from others.  I must look to God, and God alone.  This is hard to express fully, but any interaction with a human leaves the ache of unfilled space; interaction with God fills all space.  I am sure that this is a weak and puny explanation, but suffice it to say, that my need for others approval, time, attention, is starting to weaken.

This is enough rambling from some half wit tonight.  God bless.