Year One of Three to Hermit

Yes, I am taking the plunge, have spoken with the Archbishop, and am on a three year plan to vows. During the three years I will continue to live where I am, and do what I do. The Liturgy of the Hours, daily Mass, Rosary at least twice a day, etc., and I'm not even convinced those are the really important parts of eremitic life. It is starting to appear that the most important part of this life is to be present to God at every waking moment.

Let that sink in a little -- present to God at every waking moment. When the vocation began to call, expectations were absent, because I had no idea what to expect. Let me tell you, what to expect, at least a this point, is to greet the overwhelming need to be in the presence of God at ever moment. And that is very intimidating! You see, one expects that they will beseech God for presence, not be required to be in the presence of God every breath you take!

Another thing I've met is loneliness. Yes, the plain old lonelies. This is less intimidating that living as a presence to God at every moment, but it is a bit on the bothersome side, after all, I am human. When computer play didn't work, and TV didn't work, and books didn't work, I did the only thing left -- enter my prayer room, which I call the Oratory of the Holy Family, by the way, and lay the loneliness out to God with the words "what do you want from me?"

And you know what? God was like a hot knife through the butter of loneliness.

This is enough for now. I process slowly.