Trials of Church

Today I forgot that the church is the body of the faithful from the lowliest layman, all the way up to the Pope. The Church is not the hierarchy, although they are part of it, but only in so far as they are individual Christians. The Church is also an institution, and that is a human affair, filled with human beings, some more holy than others, and some just ambitious and down right nasty. Yet, Pope John XXIII was at the top of that institution, and him I venerate and love.

The hardest lesson for me to learn is that my life with God is not wrapped up in any other thing outside of my hermitage. The second hardest lesson is that the Roman Catholic Church is not something I can do anything about, I cannot change it, I cannot make it work this way, or that way: in other words, I am not in control, and that is the way God has placed my life. The "I" of Stephen is not in control. Yes, there are things in the church which disgust me to my core. There is no reason to list them here, because I will no longer rehearse my troubles, especially those that are not my affair, in my mind, or here, or under any circumstances.

This tremendous upset today caused me to write a letter and send it to three priest and three laymen. What on earth was I thinking? What can they do about the condition of anything? Much less the church?

My pray tonight is to remember and remind myself daily, that what is not in front of my eyes, or given to me for prayer, is not something I should or shall, think about. All is worth praying about, but nothing is worth being unfaithful to God, by getting all in an uproar over what some bishop did to X person. It is a distraction from God. Right here on this very blog I said that God required of me my total, undivided attention, at every moment. How can I do that when I'm all atwitter about some issue that I can't do a thing about.

Really, this has been a valuable day. I have learned that this vocation requires a great deal of detachment from events -- except for prayer. All events are good for prayer. No event is worth taking my mind from God.

Pray for me, as I pray for all of you.