Sun in Cloudy Days

ON the heels of the humility/pride battle, which will continue the rest of my life I imagine, came the blatant sight of my non-productivity. Meaning, I have nothing meaningful to do with my time. Yes, I write here, and work on the Formation Book, but I'm in a stasis.

(Do you now see what I mean when I say that the layers of false self are ripped off before a scab can begin to form?)

Okay, switch viewpoint now. An elderly person in a nursing home, or in their own home, shut in, unable to get up and work because of physical pain, or they just cannot get up, and they are suffering from the uselessness of non-productivity. They sit an wait for death. If they have faith, they pray. Television and telemarketers are their only contact with the outside world, unless a neighbor comes to see them. They too are in stasis, and they suffer in it beyond our imaginings. People might ask me why do I not visit and do the good that needs doing? I can only answer because God has not called me to that apostolate. God points out the pinned down nature of stasis, and those who suffer in it, and commands me to add them to my awareness, and prayers.

My awareness is expanding exponentially. Five years ago I would have said I was going insane, now I realize I am becoming sane. The worse it seems, the more clearly I do see. My awareness is hoping to inspire others to take on the work of visiting the lonely, the shut in, etc..

My job is to pray for it to happen, for inspiration for others, for vocations to priesthood and religious life.

So why sun in cloudy days? God has allowed me a respite to take in the last few days, to assimilate the lessons, and to breathe a little more secure in my vocation. And, of course, to be ready when the next layer is ripped off!