LCG Group Time Again

Tomorrow is the meeting of the Sunday group of Lay Cistercians of Gethsemani. That's all I'll say about that. Well, not really, because it serves as the groundwork upon which I intend to build the grand edifice of my blog entry. (Don't you feel special)

So far this week I have been to the disability doctor; had a false self revealed to me, with all the painful skin ripping involved in such self revelations; and have made the decision to NOT have the $300.00 pain shots on the 6th, because if I do, then we won't eat. I made the decision to go ahead and offer all of the pain to God as a form of intercession, for all those who suffer and have no hope of help of any kind. Also, I have come close to throwing my hands in the air and saying forget it to everything I'm involved in, which, admittedly, isn't much, but, God isn't allowing that, and I'm much too stubborn to do it anyway. And, I don't want to, it just felt that way.

I am living by faith, because my future looks pretty darn bleak. Isn't that what we're supposed to do? If so, then why aren't more people doing it? Even in my worst sin days, and boy there were some doozies in my past, I still lived by faith that even then God loved me, and would rescue me. The most painful thing of all is I don't dare reveal one half of my spiritual life to anyone or they will certainly lock me up as a great loony toon.

So, I am alone. Alone in a world made up of words. Words and more words. Logos=word. Logos=Word=Christ. The problem is the room I'm sitting in doesn't feel much like heaven, or hell really, and my faith is all I have left. People think I'm too dramatic, others think I'm the last great DangerQueer, some think that I'm just lazy, and others think I just live off my mother.

Logos=Word=Christ. The realization has been slow in coming, but it dawning upon me at long last, that what people think does not matter in the least. Your approval of me, my blog, my Words, doesn't matter. I want you to like me, my blog, and my words, but it doesn't matter. When I look around me, I see people who are chasing something they can't even put a name on. They can't say, "this is my goal." Why? Because the chase is all they know! And their goals all have something to do with money.

Words have meaning. We should be careful how we use them. If the Big Bang, and yes that's how I think God got the creation ball rolling, was started with a Word, then baby, words have power!

Tomorrow I will go and spend a lot of words trying to lead people to an understanding of what it is to be a Lay Cistercian, and I'm not convinced I even know what I'm talking about, or that they know why they are there. So why do I go? Why do they come? FAITH. Faith is a word we use a lot and fail to penetrate with our mind and heart. Faith is a state of being that is described by a word.

This is all starting to get circular, but I want people to understand at least one thing: life is worth living. Okay, two things: live by your FAITH.

May God bring us all to everlasting life. Amen.