Back!

From time to time I have absolutely nothing good to say. That is not the most pleasant self-discovery, but it is the truth nonetheless. During those periods of grrrrrr-nature, I refrain from blogging. While I know some of you enjoy it when I blog in a grrrrr-nature, I do not.

Some major Saints came and went without my comment, but they've been coming and going long before I started blogging. My spiritual life has been one of confusion, being humbled, and a fair amount of desolation. Of course, much of this can be blamed on the upcoming disability hearing, and the slow devolution of my body. The surprising facts of self that this devolution has revealed are not entirely pleasant, pretty, or shareable.

To say that a certain lack of sense of the presence of God has been with me, is to understate the issue. The lesson though is I don't have to sense God's presence to know it is there. "We walk by faith not by sight." I could easily say, I know by faith not by feel. Here is my point: we go along our faith journey happily sensing God, and then WHAM that sense of God is gone. Is your faith weak? If so, you say God has abandoned me. Is your faith strong? If so, you say God I can no longer feel you but I know you are with me.

In my lifetime I've been weak faith for the majority of the time. Since I came to be a part of the Lay Cistercians I have not been weak of faith. In a way it can be said that Cistercian spirituality is the removal of much of the trappings of religion, such as statues, dramatic stained glass windows, etc., and by immersing myself in that kind of spirituality it has freed me from the need to feel God's presence in order to believe that God is with me.

What is the desert but blindly standing in a night of faith, knowing that even in that infinite darkness you are most certainly not alone, not without God, not without the love of Christ, and not without the Saints!