Early Morning

Life only makes sense to me in the early morning hours. I like waking before dawn, watching the sun rise while saying my prayers and sipping coffee. Then those precious hours before others enter the day. My new favorite saying: "the predawn belongs to the Lord." It's true. Most people when awake in the predawn are beset with anxiety and nameless fear. Why that is I can't say, or imagine. For me, that is the most solitary time of day, and the time that my heart is most open to God.

The more comfortable I become as a solitary, the less I care what people think of me, my lifestyle, and honestly, my opinions. I have become quite clear in my own heart that there is no call to the priesthood in my life, and not a shred of guilt is attached to that knowledge. My vocation is to Intercede before God for those whom God puts before me. Some are obvious, some are less obvious. Just the same, we do not know for whom we pray, and in the case of spiritual bloggers, for whom we write.

It is unfortunate, but my best writing is never in this blog, because I don't try to make any money off of it, therefore I just let it flow out like some kind of mental waterfall. That doesn't mean I don't think about what I write here, or care about it, but I don't always clean it up with the BLUE PEN OF DEATH that a real editor would do. God has given me certain physical afflictions which limit my life in ways I don't like, even as a solitary, but so what? God is with me, who can be against me!

I have been accused of being "dramatic" and again I say so what? If it weren't for us who are dramatic, then the rest of you would all die from the severe boredom the emotional ennui that infects your lives. If you don't fully experience your ups and fully experience your downs, then how the hell do you know when your happy medium is in place?

So I'm going to keep plugging away at what vocation I have, being the dramatic person that I am, keeping my manners and civility in place because they are part of being a Christian, and just keep living my life. The Church can do whatever it likes, and honestly, I do not care. Bread and wine become Body and Blood of God! The rest I put up with.

Steve