A Yearning

There is nothing particularly compelling about the 12th Sunday in Ordinary Time, that makes me sit down and write; it's just another in a long round of ordinary Sundays. Yet, something does compel me tonight, a longing to reach out and try to express some of this movement of the spirit within me. Perhaps I can blame on the gospel of the day, or just being alone all day to ponder the text, and be nudged about by the implications of storms, and lack of faith.

During the homily the priest mentioned how we might look at this gospel as Jesus speaking to the apostles, saying in essence, "what are you so worked up about? Calm down." He also mentioned how the church always is in stormy waters and while you might sail along smooth for a little bit eventually the red sky in the morning, shows up, and everyone knows that means a storm is on the way.

Putting the universal aspect of church to one side, and bringing this gospel into the personal arena, it starts to become clear that getting personally shook up about something in the world, your town, or your church, is really a sign of a lack of faith. Taken at face value did the apostles really think that they would drown with Jesus in the boat with them? Did they really think he would drown too? That he would let them drown?

So I ask myself that question: do I think Jesus is going to let me be destroyed by this thing or that, because it seems to me that he is asleep on a cushion? Then, when problems begin to work their way into my life, am I able to keep my inner stability, my faith, and turn to Jesus? Isn't that really what this gospel is about? The boat of your, or my, life may seem at times to be nearly swamped, but Jesus is always with us by our faith, and to become fearful shows an appalling lack of faith.

I can think of hundreds of times I've let the fear of my nearly capsized life tear my focus off of Jesus and onto my own feeble efforts. God has called me into a way of life, and a vocation which requires my faith every moment of my day. I have to watch my mind continuously ... called nepsis ... to keep fantasy from diverting my eyes from God to my self. Or to some lesser object. Perhaps when I stop fearing the storms, and remember Jesus words, then my days and nights will go just that much more smoothly.

May God grant us all peace, faith, and love in this life, and salvation in the next.