Yesterday I wrote of a personal meltdown. Last night we set our clocks forward. Here I sit in the twilight of dawn and it is nearly eight in the morning. The theme is springing forward: literally and metaphorically.
Literally
Since 1966 we have set out clocks to the tune of "Fall back, and Spring forward." A very interesting article yesterday discussed the damage this does to our circadian rhythms. It will take me weeks to adjust to the new time, for weeks I will feel that the sun is acting weird, that something isn't quite right.
Metaphorically
I sprang forward in my anger against God way too soon. It has taught me how easy it is for faith to be destroyed because of unwillingness to allow God to be God in God's own time. I bemoaned my months of prayers, even acknowledging that months of prayers do not automatically equal a desired answer, what I did not do was be silent before the God of Heaven and Earth.
The anger had a reason, and it was a solid reason because it involved the most vulnerable member of my family. Yet, the answer had come, but I did not know it, instead I jumped into my God-is-a-slacker mode. Blah blah blah.
So when it came time to go to bed, relieved of my fears and worries, I had to tell God the I'm-so-sorry-I-should-hide-but-you'd-find-me-anyway, prayers. Two things have I learned. 1. I am still a man of faith. 2. God made me and gave me my temperament. Over the years I have matured and tamed it from the wildness of teenagedom, but in the end, me is still me. However, I am in love with Jesus and the whole Trinity, and that is why I felt so hurt, let down, and plain old mad! As they say, faith is a relationship with a living being, so I blew up yesterday at the being I love most.
Holy God
Holy Mighty
Holy Immortal one, have mercy upon us.
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