Letting Go

After a fairly eventual meeting yesterday -- not bad, just eventful -- a friend of mine told me "you tend to carry all the sins of the world on your shoulders." It startled me for a second, but I realized that he was absolutely right. I hold on to things that are causing other people to suffer.

Perhaps that's why I feel called to be an Intercessor with the capital "I", because I have trouble releasing sorrows unless I give it to God. Okay, another reason might be my major messiah complex where I have to save everyone in the world, or my day is a total failure. The weight of sadness in the world weighs down on me in a palpable form. It's not my sorrow -- I used to think it was -- but something has to be done with it, and learning that my job is to send it up to God is proving a lot harder than I previously thought it would be.

I can't be responsible for the faith journey of every person that I come in contact with.

I can't be responsible for the fullest development of someone in the Lay Cistercian Charism.

At some point people have to take responsibility for their own actions, their own views, and their own sins. And if they don't, I can't help that. It is not my fault.

I've done mine. And, most important, I'm done with trying to do any of the above for others.

In the end, each of us works out our own salvation "with fear and trembling" before God. So to all of you out there with messiah complexes, give it up. You can't do it. You are not God, you aren't even 0.39487539847598475 of an angel. You are human. You are flawed. You will not save the world or carry all the sorrow without it tearing you apart.

Flee from it. Flee to God, release it to God and have done with the rest.