Advent 1: A Whopper of a Day

I mean whopper in the good sense. It was a huge day filled with wonderful things. First, confession with Fr. James, who is a good confessor, at least as far as I am concerned. That is probably because he knows my sins fairly well so making progress reports is easier then reexplaining sin and progress to whoever is hearing confessions out there on Saturdays. Also, I have this thing about confessing to priests I don't know. Not logical, but there you have it.

That was followed by a lovely, long and silent time in the church before Mass. There was enough time to say and entire rosary, and silent prayer afterward. What more could I ask for? Well, we won't get into that question here. Mass followed and was lovely, but I do miss the days when Fr. Timothy Kelly censed the gifts with his big swoops and circles. It's the kind of censing you think is going to send chalice flying, but he's far too skilled for that. Perhaps it came from his being a shortish man, and Abbot Elias is tall. Still, I miss a vigorous censing.

Then that quick run home to tell everyone, Ha! there is a Solemn Exposition and Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament today, then I'm staying for the Merton group and dinner, so ta ta and see ya later. After a short nap, back to the monastery. (P.S. Why say Blessed Sacrament? if it is a Sacrament it is already Blessed. Catholic overstatement?)

Now to the meat of the day. There is nothing I love more than a nice long sit and chat before the "blessed" sacrament. Sitting there and looking at it is nice, but that's just looking, I'm there to interact with Jesus, not stare at him. I said a silent rosary to get in the space, and then the chat. There are so many things in my life right now conflicting and causing paradox that it's enough to drive any sane person insane. Well, I am barely sane as it is, and really needed that time with Jesus to discuss it. Invariably there are other people around so I can't talk out loud, which is my preferred method, but I do move my lips without sound.

Then it struck me the ridiculousness of the whole thing. I thought, "what are you doing talking to a piece of bread?" Immediately I realized that was some evil thought passing through trying to distract me, so I did the staring routine again. This time a new sense began to develop, a sense of the Shekina hovering over the altar, just as it did over the Tent of the Presence in the desert. That this holy presence was Jesus, the same Jesus that Peter, Mark, Andrew, all of them knew. Christ is always with us, around us, within us; but we don't see him in the flesh. Well, yesterday, that Christ within me, and beside me, was visible in bread. Imagine, in bread!

I'm sure this will not strike anyone else as particularly miraculous or interesting, but it was nearly earth shattering for me, because as much as I love the Adoration, I've never fully entered into the fullness of it. I was drawn, pulled even, but never allowed to see clearly. Yesterday afternoon, I did.