Docile and Obdient? Me? Yes.

This may come as a surprise to all of you, but I can be docile and obedient. That does not mean I will not pitch a big bitching fit first. I'm not always sure why I wish to be docile and obedient except that it represents a virtue I am striving to achieve. As of my last post I was upset with the hierarchy for being arrogant, slow moving, and science retarded. Well, I still am. That doesn't mean that I intend to disobey them and go insisting the I be made a priest. You see, obedience has its own rewards. Even if you obey arrogance, you have in a mystical way, obeyed God.

Now what does this have to do with the fabulous me that you all know, love, and loathe by turn? Well, simple. I am working on my docile acceptance of things, and how almost pretty much everything is none of my business, as a deceased Gethsemani monk put it. You see, I get angry on behalf of others when in truth, I am not the arbiter of their rights in the first place. Let me be clear, there is a difference between being docile and being a door mat. There is also a difference between being the arbiter of things that are none of my business, and a standing up for someone being taken advantage of. And, for you who say never end a sentence with a preposition, I ask you "What are you talking about?"

You see, last night I had an old fashioned, full blown, torso ripping, anxiety attack of the old school where one is quite certain they shall surely die. I'm on meds to stop that sort of thing so why is it happening? Probably because my meds need adjusting. Let's just say it made my night a misery.

Still I prayed and said if this attack that is ravaging me can be turned into prayer for those who have no one to pray for them, then let it be and I can take it. God is up to something in my life, and as yet I do not know what it is. I love to tell God what God needs to do, and what my timetable is for doing it, but funny thing is that God seldom pays a bit of attention to my timetable or my direct orders! Hence, my efforts for docility. And here you thought I'd just picked docility out of the air to sound like a holy person. hahahahaha on you.

:-) I love you all