Washed Out and Happy

Old Style

New Style

Wow, the last few weeks caught up with me today. I got up early to go to Mass at the Abbey, and felt a bit on the tired side, but thought nothing of it. By the time I got home I knew that all I was going to do today was write the reflection on the rule and go to bed. That is precisely what I did. Oh, I also read a book. A nice cozy by M. C. Beaton called Agatha Raisin and the Marriage From Hell. If you like reading non-gory mysteries, with headstrong women, then our dear Mrs. Raisin is the woman for you.

I met with Br. Paul after Mass, and we talked until I think I was totally talked out. It was after that on my way home that I realized how much stress I've been under, and how just telling him everything that has gone on in my life, and spiritual life lately cleared me out. All that was left was the empty husk of my body. Even now at 4:30 in the afternoon, I still feel like I could go to bed and sleep until sometime on Wednesday.

I hate to think of it, but I'd become so used to the constant stress and strain on my body from the incessant anxiety attacks, that now I'm without it, my body is demanding I rest. The problem is, I want to go-g- go, not lay down and rest. Still, the body has it's own wisdom, and right now I'm learning to obey it.

Now that I'm able to go back to morning Mass at the Abbey on a daily basis it feels like my life is on the right road once again. If you read my rant a few days back then you know how worshiping anywhere else is a strain on my nerves, and a drain on my spirituality. I need to feel that everyone at Mass is willing to put in all the time it takes for Mass to be said in a meditative way. Clearly, not everyone feels that way, and the pace of Mass at Gethsemani irritates some people. Well, may they find their home, as I have found mine.

Those of you who read me regularly, and there seems to be more than I thought, I want you all to know how much I appreciate your prayers during this extremely difficult time in my life. Thank you. And I pray for you, too.