Those of you who know me, know I never refer to myself or anyone else as a worm It's an unpleasant character judgment. However, in the context of two Sacraments, Confession, and Healing, and then on to Eucharist, I'm feeling just a bit like a worm.
There is a sort of holy fear when approaching any sacrament. We know how serious and life giving a sacrament is, but we don't know how to honor it except by fear. Fear? Because in the sacraments we allow God loose in our lives, bodies, minds, souls. Yes, God is always with us, but sacrament confers a specific grace. In other words, a hypodermic of capital 'G' Grace. A kind of grace that is present to do only one job. One, I am asking for forgiveness for my sins, and to granted the grace of amendment of life, in other words Reconciliation.
The other capital 'G' Grace is Anointing of the Sick, or a healing. Let me put this as delicately as I can. I want free from a habit that has been with me since I was 18. The 1970s were an addictive age. Although my habit is not physically addictive, it has been the crutch upon which I resisted decades of anxiety attacks. In that light it looks like a good tool! In another light, it is now the bane of my existence. Cost, risk, coughing so hard ...
Need I say more?
You are no doubt saying what on earth has happened to Steve? He's just blathered out his nasty secret. Well, because I expect to be Healed, with a capital 'H,' today. I am going to the appointment with God and God's priest only because I believe in grace , and that the grace marked out for me today, about 9:45 a.m., is rather excited to come to me.
Also, I don't know whether-or-not this counts as as promise in fact, but this morning I opened the usual appeal from the Association of Marian Helpers, and inside was a four page card with the title A Prayer for Healing. On the outside cover is Jesus, with a bird standing on each hand, and another about to land on his thumb, which Jesus is holding up. Around Jesus are two more birds sitting on a vine in bloom. Jesus is not smiling or anything silly like that, he seems to be in some type of deep communication with these birds, his brow is not furrowed, and his expression is calm.
We won't discuss the rest of the card because the design theme became rather silly after the first page. Lot's of silly art int he Catholic Church.
The point is that Jesus loves me more than he loves birds. You see, in my backyard are three bird feeders, and two wind chimes. I love birds a lot. Jesus loves me more than he, or I, love birds. Add to that the fact that Jesus love is the Love of God, and we know the love of God is infinitely greater than our most holy love possible. The Love of Christ surpasses all human loves. As Christ loves those birds, Christ loves me, and longs, longs to heal me today so that he may come into me more fully.
God cleared out my river of sludge at the bottom of the abyss. With the encounters today with grace, I enter a new phase of my life. Christ moves in a little more, because today I make a Renunciation.
0 comments:
Post a Comment