Mission Renewed

After my last post about Angels of Mercy, combined with the addition later in the day of Apostolate of Prayer for Those at Suicides Door, I think this post clearly about how the experiences with the Sisters of Charity of Nazareth, and the oppression of my soul by "something" -- not saying it was the devil, or evil one -- but something that said, "do it, do it now."

I cannot forget that moment, and twice I have been at that moment. Both times I was helped by God, and by prayers of others, in my case, the Sisters of Charity of Nazareth. And, before anyone starts wondering, "has he gone off the deep end and abandoned the Lay Cistercians?" The answer is without question and beyond doubt, no. Later posts may talk about how that works, but for now, let it rest as I am still LCG.

Sunday morning, I went to church at the Abbey an hour early. It's wonderful to sit there in a nearly empty church with perhaps a couple of other guests, and maybe a monk or two in the stalls. The silence is tangible, just like it was on Sunday.

Generally when I pray, if it isn't out of the LOTH, I don't use words, at all. Ever. The Holy Spirit prays within us. If it is within me, then it knows what needs praying, and does it.

Sometimes, like Sunday morning, it had subject matter for me to pray, and for the first time in a long time I felt a connection to the Lord that nearly made me lay on the floor. But, feelings are just feelings, so I didn't do that. Still, the words in my mental prayer were all about the loneliness and horror of those who faced a moment of suicide, as I had done just the Friday before! Faith was alive in me, so I knew it was not an option, but what of those who don't have that Faith? It's one thing to say I have faith, but when it really comes down to the moment of decision - live or die -- Faith is what saves you.

Mental prayer streamed through me like one of Michael Brown's Daily Thoughts, and I am not used to such volume in my mental prayer. NB I love Michael Brown's Daily Thoughts. And all of the content of this prayer for was those poor souls standing at the brink of suicide at that moment, and those who made the decision while I sat there and prayed.

Then. If you pray for all the souls who are at the moment of suicide, your prayers will be heard.

To be honest, I didn't know what to make of that. People were starting to come in, the bell calling for Terce had begun to ring, so the intensity of italics stopped. For the moment.

Tomorrow, more of the same. Turns out this Mission has a purpose beyond me.