Roman Catholic Now

On Saturday the 26th, I was received into the Roman Catholic Church by Fr. Chris Allegra. Do I feel different?

Not sure.

Do I feel trapped? No more so than I did as an Episcopalian.

As shocking as it may be, I did find being an Episcopalian something of a trap. I've always believed in Transubstantiation, but that is certainly not an Anglican doctrine. I traded Eucharistic agreement for social doctrine. So, by becoming Catholic I have traded social doctrine for eucharistic agreement.

Does that mean I think the trade off was worth it? Absolutely. The Eucharist, the Mass, or the Divine Liturgy of the Orthodox: the fullness of encounter with Christ. "This is my body." If a priest says the words, with full intention, then it is the body of Christ. It does not get any clearer than that. Beside that reality all discussions of doctrine seems ludicrous.

I've written about the death of a Trappist before, and yesterday was Br. Roderick's funeral. They dug a deep grave, put a ladder in it, a monk climbed down into the grave. Six monks took Br. Roderick's body from the coffin and lowered him down to the monk in the grave. The whole while there was a great deal of Psalm singing. I couldn't tell you one Psalm they sang since I was spellbound by what was taking place before my eyes. Then, it was over, and everyone started to leave.

Except Br. Rene. He took a shovel and started throwing dirt into the grave. Right by himself. If you don't know Br. Rene, he is probably well into fifty years in the monastery himself. He is also a holy man. The sight of him working alone to bury a brother of his own house held me rooted in place. Soon Fr. Elias appeared in jeans and boots, grabbed a shovel and started energetically filling in the grave. Not long after that, Fr. Henry came out and started to work. Fr. Michael soon came out to help. By then I realized no one else was around except the monks, so I left.

It's impossible for me to put into words the effect the burial had on me. All the temptations and torment of the past weeks dissolved into a joyful peace of mind and spirit. Some moments in time are so richly charged with meaning, that the passage of fifteen minutes can seem like an eternity.

Tempestuous Inner States...

...meet Christ. I've come to the understanding that there is nothing left for this "desolation/temptation" to do in its own defense except to make me feel as if I'm being torn apart. The truth is, I am not being torn apart. The feeling is present, yes, and it does make me uncomfortable, but it has nothing whatsoever to do with what I know by faith. For the first time ever, I'm seeing how he mechanisms of sin/evil/self-defeat actually work. It is insidious because of the reasonableness of it. Rather like a heresy can seem so reasonable, and still be so wrong.

But, with Christ, I am free from allowing my faith decisions to rest upon how I feel. Or even upon thoughts, self recriminations, or any other diversion. William of St. Thierry gave me the most wonderful image of running to hide behind the Father's hand, and that is exactly what I am doing. It is uplifting to be free of the fear that I might act on my on, without Christ, and then destroy all the good that has come, and is to come.

Brother Roderick is Dying

The first few months that I took communion at the Abbey, there was an old monk in a wheel chair who generally sat right behind the priest who held the Cup. This old monk would stare right at me, unashamedly. He did it to everyone, not just me. It wasn't disagreeable in the least, in fact, I rather liked it. And him. There was a clear and lively intelligence behind his look. Clearly this old monk missed nothing that took place within his sight. Eventually I found out his name was Br. Roderick. Since then I have always asked Fr. James about Br. Roderick.

Not terribly long ago it was discovered that Br. Roderick had cancer. I was sad to hear it. It really wasn't all that long ago it was discovered, and now he is actively dying. I would not be surprised to see his body in the church tomorrow morning. The cycle of death and new life, repeating itself. We have not yet come to Pentecost, and already Br. Roderick is dying. In a liturgical season of new life, a season of post-resurrection miracles, death comes for him.

They will gather near his room today as death approaches. They will pray him out of one state of life, into an altogether different state of life. The state of life we call death. As Christians we know--as does Br. Roderick--that death is not the end of our being. We are more than our bodies! We are still alive, but in a different place, a place we are told, and believe by faith, that is closer to God. Some people call it "the nearer presence of God."

I would like to do something to participate in some small way for Br. Roderick's passing. I suppose that what today's blog entry is all about. I did not know this man, but he has touched me without words. He was a silent witness of the intensity with which God gazes at us at all times. May the angels lead him in Paradise. Amen.

Good Heavens, and This and That

I've been a naughty blogger, it has been far too long since my last entry. You see, I was sick for a week and that knocked me out of the habit. Wouldn't it be nice if all habits were as easy to break?

My upcoming "Going Over to Rome" reception into the Catholic Church seems to be making me very uncomfortable. So far I can't put my finger on much, other than the incredible arrogance of the Magisterium. That really turns me off -- but, does not put me off the faith that I intend to embrace this Saturday, the Eve of Pentecost. I cannot explain the dichotomy within myself -- the deep mistrust of the Magisterium, and my full intention to be received into the RCC. Faith does not flow downward from Heaven into the palazzo in Rome, and then out to the world. That would deny the truth of a personal God who cares for every creature.

That said, I still maintain that there is enough in the RCC to make me convert, and gladly, to being a Roman Catholic. Is it evil powers tempting me?

==============================

There is a plethora of silliness in Roman Catholic piety. A type of saccharine preciousness that cloys the blood in your veins. Yes, it's there. On the other side, the Protestant side, we have such things as snake handlers, etc.. If that isn't enough, think about the most famous Protestant leaders we have today. There is plenty of silliness to go around. And every Protestant can understand the way that other denominations, not their own, do things that are ... well, silly.

The only reason the Roman Catholic silliness is so well known is they do a lot of devotional art. I've seen some pretty sad Protestant art too, especially when it's working oh so hard to not look Catholic.

So why am I doing it?

The reasons I am converting:

1. I believe in the Sacraments. All seven of them.
   
2. I believe in the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. Yes, that means Transubstantiation.
   
3. I believe in the validity of Holy Orders. Up to and including the Pope.
   
4. I believe that monasticism is vitally important to the life of the Church.
   

The Catholic Church makes more Grace available, more easily accessible. I have grave reservations about some aspects of the RCC, but I also have grave reservation about almost all of the Protestants, as well. Everyone is so needy about conformity that we have lost focus on the only thing in all religion that matters. God. And for Christians we shamefully have shifted the focus off of Christ.

So on May 26th, 2007, I will become a Roman Catholic.

Recovered.

The flu has gone. Alleluia.
Desolation takes flight before the Lord, the Lord of hosts. Alleluia.

Yes, I am back to full human status again, without trace of flu. Good news comes in a pair today so I am pleased to announce that desolation is gone.

He said to (his) disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life and what you will eat, or about your body and what you will wear. For life is more than food and the body more than clothing. Notice the ravens: they do not sow or reap; they have neither storehouse nor barn, yet God feeds them. How much more important are you than birds! Luke 12.23-24

In the week previous to getting the flu, my lectio happened across the passage from Luke. It could not have come at a more appropriate time. My entire spiritual life was hanging in a balance that made me profoundly uncomfortable and worried. Ergo, the desolation. So the passage provided excellent lectio material that day. While I was sick last week, I picked up the bible to try and pray, and happened on the Matthew version of the same story.

When I say 'happened on' I mean that it was very near the passage I'd selected. Upon seeing how close I was to that lovely statement about worrying, and the command to not do it, my soul was lifted from the desolation.

Another benefit was being able to go to mass this morning at Gethseamani. It felt really good to be back there. One of the regulars came up to me this morning and welcomed me back. That made me feel very good!

The Flu!

It hit with a vicious bite full of venom. As my most esteemed poet, John Donne, said in his magisterial Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions.

VARIABLE, and therefore miserable condition of man! this minute I was well, and am ill, this minute. I am surprised with a sudden change, and alteration to worse, and can impute it to no cause, nor call it by any name.

That was the truth of it expressed better than I can say in ten thousand words.

On to other subjects. I have an idea for a devotional item, the problem is I don't know what to call it. When we think of an altar, the image is usually of a solemn piece of stonework, or an impressive wood cabinet -- an Altar!

Many people already have a small home altar that started life as a coffee table, or a side table. They have homes where an area can be set aside for the express purpose of building a small shrine. If the person has a family, then you can be sure the family has said "yes, you can do this in our house."

What about the people who don't have a space in their home they can spare to set aside for prayer? That is where my idea comes in. More on that later.

.....

The flu ate all my energy, so this is where it stops for today.

A Feast of Rain . . .

. . . and weeping willows. A new tree has come to my yard, a weeping willow. It is young, but already quite expressive, and a real hit among the smallest birds. They ride it in the breeze. They have yellow bodies with black wing tips, and face. And, they could sit comfortably in a tablespoon. What miracles fill this creation. The rainy darkness makes all color stand out vividly, and these little darling birds are flitting about this new weeping willow, making me realize what a miracle creation is, as if I'd never noticed it before. I acknowledge the gift.

Thoughts

Metaphors work very well for me, because they enable me to bring out into the open feelings and thoughts that are not fully shaped, at least not shaped enough to put into words. So why bother, if words aren't ready? Because this is my spiritual journal and what is going on within me has got to be told. First, something to ground me.

Can. 603 §1. In addition to institutes of consecrated life, the Church recognizes the eremitic or anchoritic life by which the Christian faithful devote their life to the praise of God and the salvation of the world through a stricter withdrawal from the world, the silence of solitude, and assiduous prayer and penance.

§2. A hermit is recognized by law as one dedicated to God in consecrated life if he or she publicly professes in the hands of the diocesan bishop the three evangelical counsels, confirmed by vow or other sacred bond, and observes a proper program of living under his direction.

Yesterday at mass one of the Solitaries gave me a folder with a page of Merton quotes and two in-depth papers written by people with impressive resumes. The papers:

The Law of Consecrated Life: Commentary on Canons 573-606, by Jean Beyer, S.J. (Senior Professor of the Canon Law Faculty of the Pontifical Gregorian University, Rome)

Hermits: the Juridical Implications of Canon 603, Ms. Helen L. MacDonald. [that is how it's listed on the paper, don't blame me.] Her paper is published in Studia Canonica. I've never heard of it.

I have given emphasis to the papers because, yesterday it dawned on me anew, just how incredibly serious this life really is. It is taken seriously by the Roman Catholic Hierarchy. It is taken seriously by the solitaries themselves. It is taken seriously by the code of canon law. And, according to many hermits, it can be challenging to get a Bishop to accept the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience that go with it. So, it is provided for by law, but not an obligation on the Bishop.

One really glaring thing about the RC is how legalistic everything is. Down to the last detail. Yeah, I know, there's grace in there too, but sheesh, it's tough going sometimes. Still, after reading these two articles, I'm finding a certain depth to the legalistic way of seeing things. In some strange way, it anticipates various needs before they arise. Vast experience can legislate a path through the perilous waters of eremitic life.

Am I fit for the eremitic life? That is hard to say. I pray that I may be made so.