Day 1 In Ordinary Time

It's interesting to note the coming and going of the holy seasons. During advent "all creation waits with eager longing" for the Incarnation, which we hope is to happen in our hearts. Then Christmas comes, and it is a season containing many solemnities of its own, culminating with the Batptism of Christ. The point is the Church wishes to make the Incarnation seem new to us each year.

Has the Incarnation become old news? What a horrible thought, but seriously, how many people do you know that give more than a passing nod to the mystery itself? I'm asking myself do I personally take the Incarnation seriously? What are the points of glue/sin that prevent me from allowing the Incarnation to happen in my heart?

On the third week of Advent I got sick. On the fourth Sunday of Advent the car died on the way to mass. Between downtown Bardstown and my house, some five miles north, the car died a total of seven times. So, I was sick, it was cold, and we had no car for a week. All of that means no morning mass at Gethsemani for Steve. On top of that, on Saturday night, eve of Epiphany, I relapsed for two days. That prevented me attending the Lay Cistercian meeting, for which I am truly sorry.

I have hidden from this blog those things of late which have made my life unpleasant. This is a spiritual life blog, not an exercise in journaling. When physically ill it is hard to put thoughts about the spiritual life into words. All of this is preface to a startling realization, if I am not able to attend morning mass at Gethsemani, the fuel of my spiritual life runs low. Does that point to some weakness in my faith? It must, but I'm hard pressed to see how. So short a time, and so weak my faith. I say that because I cannot find the reason for it elsewhere, it must be in my faith. When I go every morning, I'm in touch with God. When I can't go every morning, I begin to float off toward the sharks. What a humiliating discovery!

The very root of faith is hope. If hope is all I have, then I have enough to have Christ. I do have hope. Is that enough? What else is missing? Do I lack love? Not receiving love, but giving love. Perhaps I do not love enough. No, it's that I don't love myself enough.

So, Friday the 12th is the last day that I will smoke cigarettes for the rest of my life. If it is not too late to make a difference--Praise God. If it is too late to make a difference--Praise God.

There is another aspect to my current spiritual state, a dear friend who is suffering in his soul. He needs a great deal of prayer and attention. It is very stressful because I hate to see anyone, but especially my best friend, suffer so much. His own self is tearing him apart. All that I can do is pray for him. And selfishly, I have to confess that it drains me of spiritual energy. Still, I wouldn't have it any other way.