Gentle In Your Speech

Today my thoughts turn to being gentle in one's speech. What gets said, what it means, how it affects the person to whom it is said, and the one who says it; all are questions that should come to my mind in every encounter with other human beings. Where one segment of my life used to value wit, and a cunning repartee, this segment of my life demands a crucifixion. Intelligence does not have to be sacrificed, neither do personal opinions, but what gets said...that needs a serious discussion.

Why do we say things? What are we hoping to accomplish when we speak? What makes us open our mouths and let our thoughts out to others? There are essential communications, those of ordinary life, statements that are useful, and helpful. Then there are the non essentials.

Essentials. "Hello, please sit down." Or. "Welcome, there are dry towels in the bathroom. Make yourself at home." It is made up of subjects that are benign in themselves, and communicate information. This is the speech of normal life.

Non essentials. "Can you believe how fat she is?" Or. "I heard that he said that ... " Those are clear examples of what simply does not need to be said. Both of those statements have only one object in mind, to exalt self while making someone else look bad, fat, or stupid. Those who don't agree with us are easy to see as bad, or stupid. Of course, they don't agree, how could they? They are evil! They are stupid!

Speech is more complicated than I make out here, but some elementary facts need to be put down at the start. We speak essentially, or we speak non essentially. Each has multitudes of subheadings and it would be easy to split hairs over where a heading falls, or if it is essential or not. The point is that speech has an impact, whether it helps others, or it hurts others.

Every interaction we have, every day, in some small way changes creation. Anyone who has grieved and experienced a word of kindness from someone knows that what is said has an impact on us. What one person says to me sends effect from them to me. What I respond sends effect to them. That is am impact on creation because we are all one in God. Words can heal a wounded psyche. The sacraments are symbolized in words. Speech and words are holy.

We are in creation--yes, as creatures--and every moment of our lives we interact with creation. Our actions have impact on creation, obviously, thanks to global warming, deforestation, etc., so our words have an impact on the entire spiritual order whenever we speak. So it is even more important that we watch out for the idle word that hurts, or the put down so subtle we're not even sure what it meant until after the harm is done.

In my own life there have been many times when I hurt someone else, and regreatably, it was on purpose. Usually I was responding to some hurt they had inflicted on me. It doesn't matter. Hurting others is hurting others, there is no way to slice it and justify our use of hurtful words. Even in idle speech, which usually is gossip dressed in finer clothes, we hurt others by reputation. Or we build up false images of others, thereby making it nearly impossible for them to be as grand in another persons eye, because we have over stated our case.

"O you deceitful tongue." How true the psalm. "You love all words that hurt."

This calls for conversion. Guarding the lips is hard work. I pray to God that there be grace enough for me to learn it.